I spent the better part of last week going through a roller coaster of emotion. My high was short lived and my lows stayed longer than I would have liked. But throughout those moments, it was as if life was forcing me to deal. I was forced to truly dig down deep and experience the emotions. And those of you who know me personally, know that I never shy away from a cryable moment. Growing up I used to be ashamed of my tears. Now I cry because it is a part of how I deal, it is a part of my processing.
On Tuesday, I took the day off to handle some administrative things. As I walked to do my lab test, I tried to multitask and make some calls. I’ve never truly worked a consistent 9-5 schedule or in my case, a 10-6 like I do now. It takes up the entire day, honestly when are people suppose to call doctor or do regular people things. The veteran 9-5ers say, “do it on your lunch break ” but that’s when I eat, duh!! Anyway I digress, I make some calls only to find out that I have a few outstanding medical bills. As you know I was pretty sick this past year, their were some things that my insurance at the time only partially covered.
I started to dwell on the finances of the situation. Here I am on my way to doing this thing that I have to do every six weeks to ensure that my levels are in tact then hearing about these additional medical bills. All of it was just a “you’re sick” reminder. But when I got there, they only take one vial of blood. Please pardon the visual but for almost 4 years I had to be poked and prodded for 4 or 5 tubes, every visit. I used to leave the lab drained and extremely weak. I walked out of this one with a smile. It snapped me back to being really appreciative for my progress.
Fast forward a day or two later, I learn that the house that we live in has been sold and my bestie and I have to be out basically asap. This couldn’t have happened at a worst time. I feel a rush of emotion, upset that we have to move, confused at how it happened so quickly and really sad that once we leave its only a further reminder that the owner and matriarch of this home is really gone.
I reached out to those who are usually there for me. For some reason they just weren’t there, and that’s understandable because we are all going through things. This is what I did, I went to gym, I cried, I wrote, I walked. I did all things that I needed to do for me. I’m no where near over the situation. But I’m very proud of my resolve. That only comes with time and experience. I used to look to my mom, my boyfriend, my friends or whoever at the time to get me through situations. Yes, we can rely on our loved ones for support but it’s unfair to think that in every situation, they will be there in the way we need them, every time. Instead it makes more sense to develop healthy strategies to deal. Because guess who is always there for you? You!
A Woman in Process